Whenever I mess up (sin), I feel horrible. I've let God down, betrayed Him. I truly feel the unworthiness of my soul for the love and attention of God. Sometimes the sins of my past overwhelm me, and it's tempting to fall into despair at ever attaining holiness. BUT! The Sacrament of Confession is so beautiful! We know that God forgives us if we have contrition for our sins, but we still have the need to confess them to a priest. There is something so liberating (though sometimes scary in the moment) about speaking your sins to someone who stands in the place of Christ. To "air out your dirty laundry", as it were. To get it all out in the open, and to wipe your slate clean, getting rid of all the junk. Every time we go to Confession we have a fresh start. Another chance. With God, there is not just a second chance. There is an endless chance (while in this lifetime) to start over and forget your past.
I was struggling to move on from the ways I've failed God in my past. Even though I may not be the worst sinner out there, it definitely felt like I would never be able to look past who I used to be and fully embrace who I am and desire to be. I felt God calling me and challenging me in a new way. I felt Him calling me to let Him into the dungeons of my heart. Into every little filth infested corner, where I locked away everything I've ever been ashamed of. I realized that it was for this reason that Christ came down in human flesh and suffered for us on the Cross. He wanted to come down into the deep, dark dungeons of our hearts so that He could redeem our weak and fallen humanity and raise us to glory with Him. Even though I was forgiven, I had been keeping the shame of my past sins locked away in the deep places of heart.
But that's not what God wants. That's not what Divine Mercy means. I am not supposed to keep the shame deep inside and torture myself with it every time I mess up. I am supposed to open the doors of my heart, let God into the darkness, and give Him full access to all the dirty chambers so that He can help me get rid of it. We are called to abandon these weaknesses into Divine Mercy so that they can be removed once and for all, and we can once again be free to follow God with our whole heart. God is not turned away by our weaknesses. It is to the weak, especially, that He comes with great compassion. I realized that if I let Him into my shame, He would not be upset. Rather, He would rejoice that He could help me become who I was meant to be. He doesn't want to see us despairing over our past, especially once we have been forgiven. He wants to enter our hearts with all the tender love and mercy of His most compassionate Heart.
I invite you to join me in opening every door of your heart to let God in. Let Him walk freely in you, let Him get rid of the shame, the guilt, the dark rooms, the dirty corners. Hold nothing back. Hold onto nothing. Let Him replace the darkness with the light of His mercy. And not just once, but every day. I felt God challenging me to go into the dungeons every day with Him. In the morning, let God's light illuminate your heart and speak of the truth of mercy. Before you go to sleep, go there again and get rid of any failures from the day. Give your weaknesses to God so that He may strengthen you for tomorrow. Do not go to sleep without being reconciled with God. Allow Him into every corner of your heart, that instead of dark dungeons, you would have a beautiful place to meet Him every day - full of light and freedom.
"For everyone who does evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does what is true comes to the light,
that it may be clearly seen that his deeds have been wrought by God."
John 3:20-21
Written by Catherine
